Upon reading of an upcoming London devmeet featuring the Overlords of the art underworld themselves I felt that it was time to gird my loins and prepare to venture forth unto the capital of this fair land.

When choosing my armaments for the day I attempted to prepare for all outcomes. This was my first time after all, would they be gentle? Perhaps the event would be pervaded, no thoroughly overpopulated by those that would have us believe the only way to appreciate art is to:

A: Be devoid of all normality.
B: Speak at volumes unfathomable even to those upon Olympus.
C: Cosplay to an excessive level.
D: Think that Naruto is a benchmark for anime.
E: That the genius behind DA cares that you're a fool who watches too many people.

Note: E is a stand alone joke addressed later in this memoir.

Admittedly the above list is incomplete and somewhat hypocritical since I am sure that I have at times possessed the attributes described in A and B. Never C or D. I'm open to C but never D. Good god, D. So, having chosen to wear clothes that would allow me to appear as an overly tall yet rogueishly handsome Japanese tourist if the amassed group appeared unfavourable to my interests I set out unto the city.

Since I approached the Albert Memorial from the direction of the rising sun (East get some general knowledge, or wikipedia) at first I was worried that the meet had moved on or had EPIC FAILED. Upon closer recon, however, I was pleasantly surprised to find that there was indeed a group, or perhaps teeming mass would be a better nomenclature. I was unpleasantly surprised, however, to find that there was a large number of those possessing attributes A through D in varying levels.

First impressions:

Get out the London guidebook, speak only Japanese if approached and GTFO.

Note: I didn't go so far as to pack a London guidebook incase the situation was FUBAR.

I wandered around, seemingly the only lone wolf, or perhaps stray mongrel pup would be more apt, looking for some social opening that I could slowly pour myself into. This failed.

So having been intelligent enough to get myself a nametag but unintelligent enough to write only my real name on it I assigned myself to a quiet corner at the edge of the mass. In fact scratch my last it was certainly a corner of the teeming mass but thanks to whoever the random 3 juvenile females were dressed excessively in black and possessed of attribute B to a level certainly over 9000 (!!!) my wait for some kind of formalised greeting process was one reminiscient of the Extremis process rewriting my ears (ha! high brow graphic novel joke). It was at this point I was approached by a mysterious man in sunglasses with a most unusual speaking manner.

Enter Protodevilin from left hand stage.

Looking round confidently but with a hint of suspicion.

"Hey" - Protodevilin

"Yo how's it going" - Akira, ever the polite chap offering his hand toodle pip.

And the conversation slowly grew until we were ever so rudely interrupted by an unknown man with an aura of immeasurable power not dissimilar to Kenpachi removing his eyepatch (quick nod to all the manga fans out there, yeah you heard me, manga, anime can wait their turn).

At the risk of disrespecting others who should perhaps be given a mention in this otherwise completely flawless piece of storytelling I would like to merely say that next was the photo, of which my only real memory is me and Protodevilin lauding over the many shorter minions now surrounding us, and the decision to join the traditional art group.

We were subsequently joined by Caveageman, AsatorArise, KillAWatt1705 and last but not least Phii-Chan. There were others but since, sometimes, I'm possessed of a Mugen like disregard for formality their names were not noted down but their faces will live on in memoriam, cue military band (happy now anime fans?).

After a short time we decided that as mind blowing as the trad. art scene was, food had to come somewhere on the priorities list.

Insert_wordart_reading THUS THE SUSHI QUEST BEGAN! .exe

Our first mistake was to allow this newly formed group, this band of brothers, this fellowship, this fantastic 4+1, this 5 X-men of your choice or 5 favourite bleach characters so long as 4 are male and 1 is female, to listen to the great evil that is democracy.

Note: I actually like democracy, just not when it delays the arrival of food. More importantly, my food.

So having chosen the extremely specific goal of sushi somewhere I was tasked with leading this band of merry men (english lit. quote for you, there will be cake for guessing the title) seeing that I was most "familiar" with the upcoming terrain, the Aragorn of the group, so to speak, perhaps with just a tad less competence, just a tad though seriously I know how to wield many weapons and get + 5 against Ringwraiths when duel wielding a 1H sword and offhand Flaming Torch. But we were confronted with our first random encounter.

One of the overlords subtly hinted that the new features were on show and ever so subtly turned the group from being against to being for delaying our food, evil takes many forms.

Note: The guy was the guy with the long hair and beard who I think was given credit for drag and collect. Also he gave out chocolate so I am forced to love him, me love him long time.

Having grown weary of the miss who the overlord thought was a sir superimposing her hilarious yet completely self imposed problems upon the presentation things were looking grim. Also since the "20 minute presentation" reached level 5 and evolved into a "1 hour presentation" our hunger shields were reaching critical levels and there were hull breaches on multiple decks, it was time to engage warp speed number 1. A totally badass man nod between me and Protodevilin allowed an instant plan to be formed consisting of finding out what frequencies the presentation was being broadcast on, disrupting said frequencies and beaming our men out of there. No mean feat when the presentation was actually pretty awesome. Portfolio is a year @~#&%^ late for me but it's an awesome idea and I can't wait. Groups will be awesome as well but is not something I personally wish for. Jamming signals were broadcast and we got all of the group save one out of there. However, our approach was distinctly US and we refused to leave any man behind. Protodevilin made use of cunning hand signals to gain the attention of Phii-Chan who was almost completely trapped by the Tholian Web (TOS FTW but to be blunt not as much as the new film, ooh controversial).

Thus we began our travels unto the infinite horizon strewn forth upon this fair city of London. Allow me to stress, by repetition, infinite.

So, having used my Cap of Thinking and getting us from the Albert Memorial, Hyde Park, to the Iranian Embassy, cue tugging of shirt collars because of the "election" awkwardness, to Harrods back to Hyde Park a radical shift in approach was in order. We had attempted to go over the mountain, it was now time for Moria. Or at least the Piccadily Line area of Moria. This allowed us efficient passage into Rohan, I mean Green Park and sushi seemed within reach, but the hearts of men are so easily deceived.

Itsu, yes THAT Itsu to those that follow the Polonium 210 assassination scene, was our aim and our aim was unfaltering and true yet an unexpected body armor upgrade had recently been acquired by the establishment. An armor most evil, an armor by the name of CLOSED. Having quite literally scratched at the door wailing in a manner befitting those in Dantes Inferno, a base camp was in dire need of establishment, the summit would have to wait till tomorrow. The base camp went by the name of Starbucks, the summit by the name of around the time it takes to drink a cup of coffee or other reasonably priced beverage. Morale was low but bonding was high, we were yet to be defeated.

Thus we strode over the corpse of the Itsu fiasco and marched unashamedly towards our Earth (BSG also FTW). However, we were having trouble spooling our FTL drives and had to make do with sublight speeds, vastly sublight speeds. Being hardened cynics we were resistant to the glossy facade of Piccadily Circus and whispered No to the city's cries for help. Then our final straight loomed forth, that final basestar, that final cave troll, that final dungeon, Soho.

Soho, even to a well 'ard Londoner such as myself stirs the pervasive mist of fear within me, this was not to be without casualties. Thus we were faced with a decision, a decision most grave.

Before entering Soho a noodle bar was spotted by one of our recon Raptors much to the relief of the fleet. It certainly wasn't Earth but we could at least call it New Caprica, I haven't seen all of the episodes but I'm pretty sure New Caprica turned out fine right? Tigh just lost his eye in a carpentry accident or something right? RIGHT?

Note: I have seen all the episodes. The previous paragraph is layered with sarcasm so thick that the Soul Edge itself wouldn't be able to cut through it.

Luckily Baltar didn't win the election and we didn't settle on New Caprica, it was Earth or bust. But this meant crossing the Rubicon, were we really prepared to face down the forces of the senate?

Soho was a bloody battlefield indeed. The twin light of innocence and dignity extinguished in many a young soul by that dark underbelly of a place. Especially upon seeing a manga shop with a sign saying Dry Cleaning, we were dangerously close to dividing by zero. However, such casualties were acceptable when we finally breached the walls of Rome. Satsuma, one of the best Japanese restaurants in London, if not THE best, was open. The sacrifice of our dignity was enough to turn the winds in our favour.

Thus we feasted as king's upon such favourites as that maki with wierd green and orange stuff which literally no one could properly identify. I jest of course the meal was amazing and was well worth the odyssey, our wife, or perhaps civil partner, not sure about everyone to be frank had kept the suitors at bay. There was much banter resulting in the discovery of worrying similarities in all members of the group, were we really individuals, was this the expression of a higher being through multiple mortal manifestation, were WE the final 5 (cue All Along the Watchtower by Bear McCreary). In short, no, we were just lucky enough to have all, through cosmically roundabout means, been at this London Devmeet and even more lucky to have actually found each other within the great DA Horde.

But looking back now, as an old man, what credence can there be to such tales of heroism and sushi. Are these just the insane ramblings of a warrior who has hung up his steel limbs for the last time, of a man who has seen too much in too short a life, of a guy so hungry that he can't move from in front of the computer? No, I say, or perhaps nay. Because in the end is this not a tale of the utmost importance as to the fundamental importance of DA to the worldwide art community? What other site can allow such a diverse group to meet then work itself into true friendship, perhaps love, perhaps hate, perhaps light, perhaps dark (cue bassy breathing sound through Vader mask). So you, my dearest reader, must look upon this not as a tale of deluded fantasy, or even a deluded world view (deluded world view accepted through prior notice, didn't you get the memo?), but as a moral tale as vastly profound as any fable previously told as to the importance of one website among many that can cause simple action to lead to infinite possibility.

Good night and good luck,

Akira

x

PS Spyed if you read this I was the guy that asked about pushing electronic portfolios, not that you'd remember, more importantly as high as the comic value of thinking the miss was a sir had that seemingly complete unwillingness to understand the problems you guys go through for us every time you add a feature on DA because she didn't know when to take someone off watch definitely won, you handled that exceptionally well, respect.